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Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Cast

Max played by Max
Five-Legged Max played by Max

(Curtain opens)

The two stand in the middle of a school yard.

Max: OK, first to the other side wins.

Five-Legged Max: But the thing is, I don't understand why we're doing this. I have nothing to prove to you. This is all for you. I get nothing out of this.

Max: See, you always say that, but then when you win, you won't shut up about how much faster than me you are.

Five-Legged Max: That is such a lie. What the hell are you talking about? When did I say that?

Max: I don't know the exact day. Like a week ago. When we were at your house, after we raced. When we were watching E.R.

Five-Legged Max: I don't even have a house. I live in the sewers you idiot. I don't even know what E.R. is.

Max: That's not the point. That's not what I said.

Five-Legged Max: Of course it is! What are you talking about?

(Pause)

Five-Legged Max: Then what's the point?

Max: The point is shut up and race.

Five-Legged Max: I hate when you do that. That doesn't even make any sense!

Max: Ready...

Five-Legged Max: I'm not racing. You can run but I'm not racing.

Max: Set...

Five-Legged Max: I really don't care. You're making a fool of yourself.

Max: GO!

Max runs frantically across the field, gets about half-way, stops, and turns around.

Max: Ah...Come on!

Five-Legged Max: I'm going home.

Max: I thought you didn't have a home?

Five-Legged Max: Of course I have a home. I didn't say home before I said house.

(Curtain Close)

Strugglin' by Max Hazen

Cast

Max played by Max
Five-Legged Max played by Max
Fat, Ugly, Stupid Max played by Max

(Curtain opens)

All three characters stand in total darkness each holding a flashlight under their chins.

Max: Man, it's really hot in this library. I thought it would be air-conditioned. That's why I came in here in the first place.

Five-Legged Max: I can run about 2.5 times faster than you.

Max: I know. You have 5 legs. So?

Five-Legged Max: I dunno. Just sayin'.

(Pause)

Fat, Ugly, Stupid Max: Stop fucking staring at me!

(Curtain)

Will says:

Will says that in order to make money off of writing, at least on the internet, I'm going to have to become a "Top Blogger". America's Next Top Blogger to be exact. Top Blogger? Most of the time I spell it "Blooger" and end up laughing too hard to actually get anything done.

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