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Saturday, January 17, 2004

THIS JUST IN: SOMEBODY THINKS I'M A PRICK!

Ok...First of all, I have never admitted to be a prick. In my life. I've done prickish things, but I am not a prick. As for my my vanity, yeah, I can be vain, but how she came to know this, or even form a basic opinon of me I can't understand. Also the fact that she had decided to just say this out loud is confusing. I haven't spoken to her in years, in fact, her opinion of me, if it has ANY truth to it can almost only come from grade six, seven, and eight! I'm sorry, and yes, I'm being vain here, but I'm getting pretty sick and tired of these internet melodramas. If you don't like me keep it to yourself. What gives her any moral standing over me? Absolutely nothing. Sure you're allowed to have an opinion of me, but to harbour it over years and years then suddenly blurt it out? You don't know me, and don't you dare try to tell anyone that you do.

If you don't like me, don't think about me. I have no problem with that.

Friday, January 16, 2004

And then we'll become...

RANT WOO!

Well lonely Max here, at work. There's a lady I work with that I just don't understand. I've had long, mind-blowing conversations about all sorts of sissy things, and we seem to agree on almost everything. Love for example, I'll go on and on about how I see it, and how I deal with it, and she'll tell me that she totally agrees and blah blah, but it seems that everyday she has some story about some new guy she slept with. It was her birthday yesterday, and she just sleeps with some guy. Which makes me wonder about myself. Is it weird that even if I really want to sleep with a girl, if I don't know her, I can't? No matter how much I kick my own mental ass. I just won't let myself. Is it normal to just sleep around? I mean, she does seem so much more relaxed than myself. I just wonder if I think that love is a lot more important than it really is. Not that it matters, I can't change it anyway.

I don't mean that it's a question of right and wrong, I hold nothing but jealousy towards people like that. I just don't understand.

I drank a lot of chocolate milk and now this entry is crap-o-licious

Thursday, January 15, 2004

What chu talkin' bout Bruce Willis?


I'm not mad at anything enough to want to write. Theres a phone ringing, and nobody is picking it up, I'm now mad at that. Good.

Whats the deal with people who don't pick up the phone? Are they like stupid or something?


So I just found out about that giant weed growin' plant in the old molson brewery. Kinda freaked me out. Just the fact that somebody thought one day "Hey, we could turn that place into a sweet weed facility" and then actually went out and did it. I mean, I talk a lot, but I rarely do anything I actually want to. "I'm going to take out Phil Colillins tommorow, I've planned it all out, you'll see" or "Maybe I'll buy toothpaste tommorow".

Work actually just fell upon me.

Check out The Postal Service if you want to feel sad.

Wednesday, January 14, 2004

The new Pornographers

Pasta for breakfast rules! Except for the intense garlicky mist that hangs about me like that dirty kid from Charlie Brown. Pig Pen that's it. It'd be awesome if Pig Pen wasn't just physically dirty, but mentally as well. Always cursing and making obscene pelvic-thrusts towards the other kids yelling drunkenly "HEY LUCY". And I wonder if his name has anything to do with his future, the pig in the pen if you will.

I just had the most awkward CEO of the company "drop-in" ever. It's mine, and my co-worker's theory that she deliberately makes things uncomfortable, that she gets something out of it. I don't know what but it scares the shit out of me. I guess that's what she gets. "SO HOW ARE THINGS GOING?" She nearly yells as I've just begun to think that this job is alright. "Um...ah...um...Goo...Good" I say. A long pause. I repeat "Good". I'm trembling. "YOU'RE HAVING FUN RIGHT?" Whoa. How the hell do you answer that? "Yep" .

Then after that, the longest most hilariously painful silence, a pause to end all pauses as she stares directly into my little boy soul. After about 3 hours, during which I've soiled myself about 6 times, she stops throttling me with her eyes and leaves without a word. As she does this once a week, my work is done for the remainder. I can relax and clean myself up.




Tuesday, January 13, 2004

Concentrate

Had a glass of milk for breakfast today. Thought about how it came from a cow's breasts and felt very sick. Then I stepped outside into the wind and was upset by the fact that outside was not my comfy, comfy bed and if it was, then my comfy, comfy bed sucked. Altogether the experience was terrible, but when I got into the office, which was warm, and not windy, I started to feel a little better. Coffee made me shaky, the girls in the office made me shaky, and Ricky Martin wouldn't get out of my head, no matter how hard I smashed it with the toilet seat.

Ricky Martin is a genius. You snobs are just too stuck up to understand his power. Leave him alone. Run Ricky, Run. TO THE HILLS, I'll hold them off! NO STOP SHAKING YOUR BON BON JUST RUN! God Speed you fucking moron. Oh yeah, I'm supposed to like him. Meh.

Haha I just imagined Ricky Martin in Cast Away. Except instead of surviving because of his hardened mental skills honed by years of working for FedEx, and somewhat by his love for his wife, he just dies slowly and painfully, in a puddle of his own vomit after drinking litres of seawater, his shriveled body left on the rocks to erode like a urinal cake. Mumbling quiet lyrics to himself "Just like every (puking sound) girl in his-tor-y".

Or maybe he just hangs himself, while "livin' da vida loca" plays WAY too loud in the background. That's just as funny.

Haha Saw last night that the guy from Coldplay is married to, or dating Gwyneth Paltrow. Sweet, together they can harness the awesome power of mediocrity!



Monday, January 12, 2004

Back to...Being at work

My clothes stink, my hair is dirty, and I've invited some pimples to stay on my face. It was my new years resolution. Be kinder to those I hate. Feckin' Pimples.

I'm reading the all-too-university student-bandwagon book "fast food nation". I'm a little embarrassed but it is fascinating (and sometimes extremely vague). We can be pretty gross sometimes.

I had to carry boxes of heavy things, very far today, as soon as I got to work. It was snowing out, and I'm VERY out of shape. That was hours ago and my arms are still pulsating.

We watched two of the best movies ever made this weekend. Ninja Turtles, and Wayne's World. I could watch both of them over and over again, in fact I have, they're the only movies I actually know word for word.

"Who's playin tonight?"
" The jolly green giants, crucial tot, and the shitty beatles"
"The shitty beatles? They any good?"
"No, they suck"
"So its not just a clever name"

"What is it?"
"Open it"
"If its a severed head I'm going to be very upset"

"Stacy, I don't have A gun, let alone many guns to necessitate a gun rack. What am I gonna do, with a gun rack?"
"You don't like it? Fine. Ya know, if you're not careful Wayne, you're going to lose me".
"I already lost you. Two months ago, sha, are you mental? Get the net"

I just walked by one of the windows, way up here on the 50th floor. I am VERY high up right now, I'm towering above you in fact. Maybe I even looked at you? Maybe you knew this and you were giving me the finger? Were you screaming "STOP LOOKING AT ME! THE FACT THAT YOU'RE MUCH HIGHER BOTHERS ME!?" That'd be cool, and no, I won't stop looking at you. I should get some plants up here so that I can watch you from the bushes, except 50 FLOORS UP!

Right on.

I just found out there is a dictonary.com as opposed to dictionary.com.

What?



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