Saturday, October 11, 2003

D.C. Sleeps alone tonight

I haven't had a bit to drink, but I just saw Lost in Translation and I could swear I'm drunk (Like so: Fuck, I am drunk). Which to me, just proves my point (I'm proving points to myself). I don't need beer to make me feel, its just a faster way to get there. An easy way. A bit of a cop-out really.
I love the fact that remembering the most intense moment, the most intense feelings can still make me dizzy. I love that a movie, a moment, a song can trigger a flashback. When I realize the cycle I'm in, I can just remember that there are things out there that I can feel, which erase the doubt, the cold, the fear, and make everything certain again. I know that no matter what I feel now, things can get better, go further, they can change and be magic again. And yeah, I do believe that magic exists. Maybe not magic in the typical sense, but there times, and people, and people at times that defy any darkness, that let you embrace, and take in life, and make you feel warm again. The glow and the haze. You know where you are, you know you're safe, you just know that you're happy.

There was a time in NZ where I met a girl. Freakish really (Not the girl, the fact that I met her) and from the moment I saw her, I felt that feeling (And no Looq, I don't mean "She made my pants tight"). The one before a party, the one before a strange day, the one before you went to Chuck-e-cheeses when you were a kid. I just knew magic was afoot. We went to a smoky bar full of older people dancing themselves sick. We laughed and watched, and I watched as her cigarette slowly burned. We talked about ourselves and music. She didn't know my name, and I didn't know anything. She talked about her friends, and her family, and her boyfriend. She talked about her house and her dog, and who people thought she looked like. She talked about drinking and sex. And while I listened, smiling and blushing, I couldn't stop thinking one repeating thought...

If I fell dead right now, it wouldn't matter. I have never been so happy in my entire life.

And it was true. The thing I wasn't thinking was that it doesn't have to only happen once. Every time I'm depressed and I can't understand what its about, no matter how long I wait, eventually something happens, planned or not, something happens to let me know that the lows are worth sticking out. They are guys, I know it. Just push through the gloom, its dark for sure, but I know you're strong. Lets make it better.

I sat on my apple juice.

Thanks for reading this.

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Yes Adam, we are the ones...

I had a good day today. I was walking down Adelaide St. watching the hobos lounging in the sun watching me, and while I crossed the street I decided to write a letter. It read:

Dear Car,

Don't hit me.

Love Max

When the letter had been sent I headed over to my local His Masters Voice to look for the new U.N.K.L.E., they didn't have it, but who should appear at the counter to answer my queries but my future wife! I said
"Hi honey, isn't it great that I had the guts to talk to you, seeing as you're a beautiful, witty, music-lovin', hilarious gal near my age that has a clear interest in me?"
She smiled that "glint in her eye" smile that I love and said
"Yeah really, think of where we would be if you hadn't taken that chance..."
We fell silent and she thought about it. She thought about the guy she would have met at a party that friday. She thought about the bad story I would write about a girl I had seen that day. I just thought about how much I liked her hair, and the way she looked when she was thinking, and the way her hair looked when she was thinking. We stood there, flat footed, until she said
"On second thought, lets not".

Fine with me.


"Ah! Explosions!"

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