Wednesday, October 01, 2003

I know they're true, no matter how poorly written

Reading over those last entries, try to count how many times I say "I". Its gross.

Looq is so fantastic.

I will never eat in a place called "Spaghetti Eddies". Wait, who am I kidding? The name alone is all the enticement I need.

I gave the finger to a gaggle of snotty crew-cut assholes wearing suits to hide the fact they still want to bang high school girls today. It was totally impulsive and looking back maybe not so necessary. But at the time it was SO necessary. Of course, when one of the especially irritating assholes turned his head to show the world how amazing his cell phone was, (it was apparently glued to his head) his eager gaze fell upon my extended finger. "That guy just gave you the finger" was all he could muster. All I could muster was a panicked and far too intense stare in front of myself. My heart jumped and my feet flew forward. All I could think was "These guys can actually see things that involve colour and shape?"

Chali 2na for president! Just imagine it.

"Yo, as your president, I swear on my awesome voice, that as your president I will speak really deep all the time and deliver state of the union speeches with phat-ass break-beats in the background. Now, I will laugh. ha ha ha. Thank you. "

I live my life in the lyrics of others.

Tuesday, September 30, 2003

Yes Yes Ya'll, and it don't stop

I can't help but get the feeling that if something doesn't change soon, then I'm going to keep spiraling downward. And I don't even want to look down, but its hard not to watch my feet. I run and run because I can't stand standing next to the others that seem to be ok with this situation. I don't understand how a job can be enough. Do they feel anything? To me, this feeling (whatever it is) is overwhelming and a driving force. To get away from it.

That was a good drum break.

I've lost interest in writing these things, but for some reason I continue. The pressure is getting to me.

A cold boiling.
Hot popsicle.

Monday, September 29, 2003

I still have parents, and I still love the old world

Feeling a bit better today, which is a change. The grey has invaded. Speaking of grey, today I saw a woman that looked, at least from behind (yes, I was staring...with shady glasses and a fake beard) exactly like one of those classic aliens. Spooky to be sure. The alien was just standing among the business people (another type of alien) and I thought for a moment that I was seeing things. But nope, she was an alien. End of story.

Now to let out the raging gansta' within

"Call me Black and Decker, I don't screw girls, I drill."

Ahem. Just a sec. "Simon! Put down my gat"

Ok, back. Well, tomorrow, I've decided is another day. Another chance, another try. To fail, or to do what I want. What the hell do I want? Tired of being pathetic.

Too tired to do anything about it.

I just wish a goal would fall from the sky (Or is it girl?). I guess I have to look up more often.
Time is playing with my head, both slow and fast, and I need a way to tell it to stop. I wish I wasn't so needy.

"What I want is a girl that I care about, alright
I want nothing at all." - Jonathan Richman

Feeling that all too whiteboy wish to be not so white right now. I'm hoping for something to happen and I think it might soon enough. I say that to keep myself sane. I say a lot of things, and most of them I wish I hadn't. I've slipped into the clutch of loneliness and though I'm wriggling, its intoxicating sting has inevitably sent me hallucinating through the streets of Toronto. Paranoid and vain. Sitting on a bus, thinking that she might be thinking about me. But even I know, I'm just another bouncing body.

I just wrote another poem, but I'm still to spineless to show it. It was pretty crappy anyway. Here is a quote I've heard too many times, but somehow it still makes me feel like I might not be so badly off.

"We are all of us in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars"

Any quote that mention stars is in serious danger of being sappy, but that one seems to have pulled off the impossible. I wonder where it put it?

I'm shivering that was so bad.

I don't want to ask you for more than you've already done by reading this, but sign the book. Please.

Sunday, September 28, 2003

All my changes were there

Well, I just wrote a long, heartfelt story of my day. It was called "my god is grey", and it was about how grey seems to be the central theme of my life right now, at least today. It was even accompanied by some attempted poetry. But of course, it wasn't to be and its gone now. Into the grey I guess.

I also wrote about how I don't want to complain about life anymore because its pretty obvious how privilaged I am. Fuck it. Dont read it if you dont want to but I still don't feel any better.

I've hit some major crossroads right now, and this choice is becoming ever-so-difficult (Yes, of course I said that in a girly English accent). I don't know where I want to go, physically and in life. But I'm lucky to have this job right now, because while I ponder, I'm raking it in. Feels good I admit. Almost as good as it does to laugh at Walter Mathau as he gets a marshmallow stuck to his head by Dennis the menace. Ah, to let go. Thanks for reading.

Cheers to all those who understand.

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