Thursday, September 11, 2003

Wasting Away

My life as I know it. Melted, fallen, lept, collapsed, and swept under the rug where I can't see it. I am not very well. The thought of that place makes me ill. I hate it with my whole person. Those lights, and those faces. Those sickening smells and smiles. I am very close to the edge of something, however I can't figure out what that something is. But nevertheless I am close. The worst part is I can't leave. I'm stuck in that pit of blackness. That pathetic and obvious front that is an insult to happiness. Neon lights, and make up don't make happiness. Nor do flowery apholstry and fake chrome picture frames. They aren't people. They're cold, cruel, and lifeless faux people.


How do so many people live that life? Why? What does that give them? For once in my life ordinary people are starting to make me sick. Yeah sure you need to work hard. But you don't need to ruin your life for some conglomerate. FUCK.

I feel seriously sick.

I hate my life right now. Help.

Monday, September 08, 2003

It happens

Sometimes I write, and it works. Others, not so special.

The last entry falls under the later. I'm extremely sorry, but I tried to force it. It ain't gonna happen.

A Dream A day

Once again, I've pulled some magic out of my big magic ass. Canadian tire called me up and would like to interview me.

Well then.

Every single time I sit. I lose my mind. Come back mind. Gavin, Nelly, and I just got back from some intelligent mayhem. Gavin has a digital camera and Neil is insane. An excellent mix.

As we slid along the blurry road, through the cool slippery universe, a profoundly absolute welcome feeling swept across me like the street lights across my face. Safe and soft. The moon, the wind, and the music were inside me and I felt absolutely and completely alive. Charged yet sleepy I smiled at the dirty sky that let me know everything was ok. In those moments something is released, showing me that there are in life, things apart from my own problems. I change, for a moment. Not a solution but a goal. A suspension of the banal. Or perhaps the convertion of the mundane to the absorbing. Its then that I understand why I have friends, why we keep going. Or just why.

I can never remember.


Sunday, September 07, 2003

Big Nothing

I was going to write a poem aptly named "Taco Bell Alone" but I think the name, if not a poem itself, explains everything it needs to.

"Adelaide...the hole in the ass that is Australia" - Me (while in Adelaide)

I'm being torn in half about being home. Of course I love all that this place has to offer. Family, friends, and a city. But compared to my other life, independent life... Well, I don't know what to think. I'm positive that most people go through this at one time or another. I was told that things would be different when I came home, and inside I knew it. Unfortuanly, it seems to be one of those all-important pieces of information that you don't understand untill it actually hits you. And it looks like it gave me a bloody nose.

Un-Everything Bad



My friend Erin just wrote me a letter with the word Assinine in it. Brilliant Erin, absolutely brilliant.

Time as we knew it

Many moons have passed and now I return and WHAT THE HELL? Apparently my blogger has decided to maybe loose some weight. I don't understand it either, nor do I want to frankly. The fact of the matter remains that it appears that I have a job in the shoe department at the Bay. Yes, I know it sounds like a major career move but don't be decieved so easily. Little do they know that I am, as we speak, devising a plan to QUIT THE BAY! The fools won't know what hit them. Stupid fools.

Life wise? Well, life seems to be undulating (yes, I love that word too) more than it should be lately. My life is usually quite linear, going from good to bad to good again. But these days things have changed and those paths have gone nutball on me. I'm taking it with a grain of salt though (no, I don't know what that means) and things feel like they're picking up.

"I interviewed the sun, he said 'the futures looking bright'
I interviewed the rain, he said 'the sun is truly an asshole'"
-Aesop Rock

T.V. is scary
Watching people get married
One guy named Terry
Just got buried, I'm worried

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