Thursday, July 13, 2006

Move on



Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A windy...Night

Ya know I've got a foggy notion

It's a steamy day in Toronto. The cat piss is strong today, it burns my nose sometimes, but I bought new light bulbs, so it balances out.

"When I was lonely back in 73', that's when the conga drums spoke to me"

I'm so poor I drink Tang out of a Dr. Pepper bottle. I only buy orange. It's 20 cents cheaper.
I feel like those coal miners that had to drink their own urine.

"OH man! I'm so thirsty..."
"Dude, just don't think about it. Think about getting out of here, we'll be famous when we get out, have you thought about that?"
"I know I know I'm just so..."
"Thirsty, I know, me too man, just sit tight, they'll be here soon enough."

A few minutes later

"Dude, I have to. I'm sorry, I'm so thirsty."
"Man, it's only been like 2 hours..."
"I seriously need to hydrate, I'm feeling faint."
"Fuck fine, just don't do it near me."

[Zipper sound]

"Here goes...Mmmm...Oh my god."
"It tastes so good. Dude like, I'm serious, but what the hell does that taste like?"
"When we get out of here..."
"It tastes... Like... Orange... Tang!"
"Oh my god..."

I was mining for coal once, when I forgot what coal was.

Friday, June 23, 2006


Got the New York Modern Neon Sound

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Four Minutes

Sitting on the concrete bleachers.

A train rumbles past behind me. Folsom Prison comes to mind.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Walking to school

Left Right Left Right

Straight into the storm

Wednesday, May 10, 2006


Max played by Max
Five-Legged Max played by Max

(Curtain opens)

The two stand in the middle of a school yard.

Max: OK, first to the other side wins.

Five-Legged Max: But the thing is, I don't understand why we're doing this. I have nothing to prove to you. This is all for you. I get nothing out of this.

Max: See, you always say that, but then when you win, you won't shut up about how much faster than me you are.

Five-Legged Max: That is such a lie. What the hell are you talking about? When did I say that?

Max: I don't know the exact day. Like a week ago. When we were at your house, after we raced. When we were watching E.R.

Five-Legged Max: I don't even have a house. I live in the sewers you idiot. I don't even know what E.R. is.

Max: That's not the point. That's not what I said.

Five-Legged Max: Of course it is! What are you talking about?


Five-Legged Max: Then what's the point?

Max: The point is shut up and race.

Five-Legged Max: I hate when you do that. That doesn't even make any sense!

Max: Ready...

Five-Legged Max: I'm not racing. You can run but I'm not racing.

Max: Set...

Five-Legged Max: I really don't care. You're making a fool of yourself.

Max: GO!

Max runs frantically across the field, gets about half-way, stops, and turns around.

Max: Ah...Come on!

Five-Legged Max: I'm going home.

Max: I thought you didn't have a home?

Five-Legged Max: Of course I have a home. I didn't say home before I said house.

(Curtain Close)

Strugglin' by Max Hazen


Max played by Max
Five-Legged Max played by Max
Fat, Ugly, Stupid Max played by Max

(Curtain opens)

All three characters stand in total darkness each holding a flashlight under their chins.

Max: Man, it's really hot in this library. I thought it would be air-conditioned. That's why I came in here in the first place.

Five-Legged Max: I can run about 2.5 times faster than you.

Max: I know. You have 5 legs. So?

Five-Legged Max: I dunno. Just sayin'.


Fat, Ugly, Stupid Max: Stop fucking staring at me!


Will says:

Will says that in order to make money off of writing, at least on the internet, I'm going to have to become a "Top Blogger". America's Next Top Blogger to be exact. Top Blogger? Most of the time I spell it "Blooger" and end up laughing too hard to actually get anything done.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

1:00 AM

Max: Video games are awesome eh?
Matt: Yeah, SO awesome!
Max: Yeah, SO AWESOME!

1:30 AM

Max: Man, my head is pounding. Do you have any Tylenol?
Matt: Nope.
Max: Then maybe I'll just eat some macaroni.
Matt: That's what I'd do.
Max: Video games are awesome.
Matt: Yeah, so awesome.

2:00 AM

Max: I don't have any milk and my head is still pounding. I actually feel kind of nauseous.
Matt: Just use extra butter.
Max: Yeah. Good call.

2:15 AM

Max: Ya know why I love Macaroni.
Matt: Why?
Max: Cause' you don't have to chew.
Matt: Video games are awe...
Max: I know, so awesome.

2:30 AM

Max: Man, the macaroni helped for a bit. But my headache is coming back. Will you fund an expedition to the Seven-Eleven in search of tylenol?
Matt: Not only will I fund it, I will take charge and lead the team.
Max: Ow...My head.

2:35 AM (En route)

(Mostly silence)
Matt: (Incoherent mumbling about video games)
Max: (Clutching head) I really feel bad man. I mean, its been a while since I've felt this bad. I'm scared man.

2:40 AM

Max: So there is regular, extra-Strength, and ultra-relief.
Matt: I say ultra-relief.
Max: Why?
Matt: Mostly because of the word Ultra. That, and the embossed gold font really makes you think of power, strength, and fast acting relief.
Max: You've convinced me.
Matt: Sir, one bottle of ultra-relief EZ tab tylenol if you please. Yeah, that one. The one with the embossed gold font.

2:45 AM

Max: I used to be able to swallow pills without water. Here goes. (Gagging) Ok, that didn't work. I think I'm going to throw up.
Matt: (Takes a step back) That sucks.
Max: Maybe not. Lets keep going.

2:46 AM

Max: Ok, I am going to throw up. (Macaroni that looks as if it has just been made, without milk, ejects cleanly from Max's mouth into the middle of the road as a car with headlights made for a search helicopter barrels down on the puking misfit)
Matt: (From 20 feet away) Oh man.
Max: Well, that was easy. Lets go play video games. I feel much better.
Matt: Yeah, I was thinkin' about video games actually.
Max: Weird.

3:00 AM

Max: Ya know what. I'm gonna see whats on TV.
Matt: Alright. Its your choice man.
Max: (Switching on the TV) (Thinking to himself) Nudity and Violence eh? Nice. (The movie starts) Oh shit. Lucas Hartnett. I mean, Josh Rizoli. Whatever. (The movie sucks)
Matt: I ain't never gonna stop playing video games. Never.

3:30 AM

(Katie lies in her bed at home. Sleeping like a baby. A baby that doesn't have to put up with the snoring, if only for one night)

(Max is passed out on the floor, snoring loudly, bathed in the glow of the TV. An empty bottle of pills lies at his feet)

(Matt is passed out in his computer chair, bathed in the glow of his monitor. His mouse dangles freely in the air off his desk.)

(John Rambo walks from room to room pausing to bat at the mouse. She looks at Matt, walks into Max's room, looks at Max, then rolls her eyes)

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

It was imperative that the sun shine today and whaddya know? It did.

Thursday, February 09, 2006


I wanted to see if I could post a picture from my webspace. It would appear that I've done so, though, I wish I'd chosen a less disturbing picture...
Of Lucas...
...In Asia.

We were always wearing the same outfits. It was a strange time. We had eaten a "Happy Pizza" that morning and spent the next 6 hours cutting off my hair and gluing it to Lucas's face.
Luckily, we didn't need to do his arms, which allowed me to keep my then precious pony tail.

(He kept calling it his "Love Monkey" when everybody knows its a "Love Ape")

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?